I don’t exactly remember how we ended up here, but earlier this week, Juan José Vallejo and I ended up watching this video. He was laughing at all the trash talking they were doing towards Rafa. I said it might be funnier if I spoke Spanish and he kindly offered to translate! So, without further ado, Rafa, Pico, Moya and friends playing video games.
1st Segment: Intro and Presentation of official Tenis Pro hats (quite the honor)
Pico: “Don’t go anywhere, here comes the awaited match Moya-Nadal-Zabaleta.
Zabaleta: Now we are awarding new team member status, as decided by Chela and Zabaleta, because there are very few foreigners (non-Argentinians), only Nadal, Moya, Massú and Nico Lapentti have these hats.
Zabaleta: “Only Massu and Pico have a team hat”
Nadal: “Thank you very much… I appreciate it”
2nd segment: Presentation of River Plate shirt to Moya
Zabaleta: “And here the River Plate fans”
Nadal: “Moya is fan of Estudiantes”
Zabaleta: “He’s not fan of Estudiantes, you are the Estudiantes fan! (To Moya) Show the name, show the name.
Mónaco: Listen, these guys (River Plate) were left out of everything… we (Estudiantes, his team) played Libertadores, Sudamericana, everything.”
Moya: “I would like a Boca t-shirt also, please”
Zabaleta: “Stop f**ing around! Are you a moron?! Its the same as Barcelona-Real Madrid! (The rivalry – it actually is much worse. River Plate and Boca Juniors hate each other to death, and they have to live in the same city. Moya is making a terrible, terrible request)
Nadal: “I have a Boca t-shirt!
Chela: “You have a Boca one?”
Nadal: “Yeah, and signed by Schelotto'”
Zabaleta: “You’re so annoying” (Zabaleta actually calls Nadal “ladilla,” which refers to this unpleasant bug)
3rd segment: Finally, the Moya-Nadal Winning Eleven match
Zabaleta: “Who is winning 1-0?”
Zabaleta: “Inter-Moya? and who is the other one, Manchester?”
Moya screams: “Tape this! Tape this!! Goooooooal!!! (After Nadal throws the controller into the bed and accidentally hits Moya) Hey!!! Aggression!!
Nadal: Indiscernible cursing that ends with the word ass
Chela: “I can assure you Nadal is pretty bad at this (Winning Eleven, apparently)”
Moya: “He sucks, right?”
Moya: “Keep recording”
Zabaleta: “If he scores again, its a true beating.”
Mónaco: “This is embarrassing, dude!”:
Moya: “This is going is for all of South America, right?”
Zabaleta: “For all of South America!”
Nadal: “I always have a chance! I’m a fighter!”
(The team puts in a funny sound mocking Nadal’s very serious proclamation)
Nadal: (bites controller) “Look at the crappy controller they’ve given me”
Mónaco: “But what do you want me to do if you’re the one who threw it against the wall, dumbass?”
Mónaco: “(to Moya) Dude, if you score this one, I’m outta here” (This just means that it would be an amazing goal, not that Mónaco would actually leave)
PS voice: “An incredible goal… the fifth one!! what an elegant shot”
(Moya’s wave is the dorkiest thing ever)
Moya: “Here comes the six-zero”.
Nadal: “No wait, I kicked it out (the shot), what a f****** son of a b****!!! (Throws controller into the bed)
Nadal: Van Nistelroy, this one is mine, this one is mine, I have it!! I have it!!
Moya: The goalie stops it!!! What a play!
Mónaco: Here comes the sixth one!!! (YMCA music in the background, as Moya indeed scores his sixth goal against Nadal).
Pico: Whatever happens, I still gave Rafa his worst beating ever. I beat him 9-1 in Montecarlo.
Rafa: Goooooooal!! (Nadal runs around wildly)
Mónaco: “It’s six-one! What the f***? are you celebrating?” (Nadal does push-ups)
Mónaco: “This is your Playstation, we’ll make another video when we play with ours.”
Nadal: “Girls don’t pay any attention to me!”
Mónaco: (Mockingly) “Come to Buenos Aires and see if they don’t pay any attention to you there!!!”
Last segment: Zabaleta is now playing Moya, the Winning Eleven GOAT
Zabaleta: “Did you see that?? Show the formation (the way the team is tactically set up), this son of a b*** is the anti-soccer! He’s lining up six defenders!
Mónaco: (As he tries to capture the formation with the camera) “Look at that…the rat took it away!!!” (Moya clicked something, obviously ashamed of his tactics) “What a son of a b****!”
(Mónaco actually caught the formation: it’s a 5-1-1-3, which isn’t used anywhere. It’s a huge sign of weakness to line up with 5 defenders. However, since it’s video game soccer, his unbalanced formation works, since he does line up 3 strikers.)
Mónaco: “This game is different, Mariano, right?” (My guess is that Zabaleta played FIFA and not Winning Eleven)
Moya: “Different? Don’t bust my b*** it’s not different. (This cracks me up, because Moya uses an Argentinean expression – “dejáte de joder” – rather perfectly. The man really does love that country)
Mónaco: “Lets see how you look with the hat, Rafa, turn around” (Nadal obliges, and just then realizes that the hat actually has “RAFA” on the side of it)
PS voice: “Another goal! It’s the third!!. (Zabaleta throws something at the TV).
Zabaleta: “Nice River Plate jersey”
Title: Carlos Moya: Playstation GOAT